I’m going to try and write out how the last couple days went.
You might want some Kleenex too… Today is our third day with Kai here in ShiJiazhuang.
Yesterday was a busy day! And a very productive one, we officially adopted Kai! And here’s the certificate to prove it!
Tina and I met our guide “Bob” in the lobby at 8:30 AM. We let Cam and Ben stay at the hotel, and Tina and I went from there to the civil affairs office.
Here we met the directors from the orphanage who also brought Kai’s nanny with them. It was sweet that she was able to come, but also difficult for us to see Kai have to separate from her again. She gave him a shirt and a toy, and beautiful little silver amulet which she tied around his neck with a red cord. I couldn’t help crying when she did this.
After we completed the adoption certificate we went to a notary office and had a bunch of stuff sealed.
This took a couple hours and again Kai’s nanny kept him with her during this time. This was painful for Tina as it seemed to be further delaying his attachment to us. Ultimately, I think it was a good thing for him to see that she was happy about him being with us, and made the transition more gradual. You could tell she truly cared for him, and I thought it was very meaningful that the orphanage directors made accommodations for her to travel with them for this.
After the notary office, our guide seemed concerned about the way the paperwork was proceeding. The passport application needed to be filed at the police station in Bao Ding, the city where Kai’s orphanage is. But we are now in the provincial capital, ShiJiazhuang. The orphanage directors said they would file it and have it mailed to us. But our guide didn’t like this plan. He was worried we wouldn’t get it before Friday when we are scheduled to leave for Guangzhou. So he decided that he and and I would drive back to Bao Ding again with the orphanage directors and file it ourselves. He suggested I take them to lunch as well to help things along. We went to another traditional Chinese restaurant. It was a very interesting place. It was a theme restaurant done in the style of the “Cultural Revolution” the waiters were dressed in red army uniforms and there were portraits of Mao, Stalin, Lenin and Marx on the walls. They were even playing Cultural Revolution songs. To me the really funny thing was that this was not a touristy type place. It was intended to be tongue in cheek, but was aimed at native Chinese. The menu was in Chinese only, no pictures so I couldn’t order. I still don’t know what some of the stuff was we were eating but it was very good. All the restaurants serve “family style” with big bowls in the middle and everybody just picks from them with their chopsticks. And smoking at the table is acceptable. No ash tray? No problem, just flick it on the floor.
After we ate, Bob, our guide, drove me back to Bao Ding. It’s about a two hour drive. He is a REALLY nice guy about the same age as me and Tina. We visited on the drive and talked about many things.
When we got to Bao Ding we went to the police station. This is the police station where Kai was taken when he was first found, so I was really happy I got to visit it.
After the notary office, our guide seemed concerned about the way the paperwork was proceeding. The passport application needed to be filed at the police station in Bao Ding, the city where Kai’s orphanage is. But we are now in the provincial capital, ShiJiazhuang. The orphanage directors said they would file it and have it mailed to us. But our guide didn’t like this plan. He was worried we wouldn’t get it before Friday when we are scheduled to leave for Guangzhou. So he decided that he and and I would drive back to Bao Ding again with the orphanage directors and file it ourselves. He suggested I take them to lunch as well to help things along. We went to another traditional Chinese restaurant. It was a very interesting place. It was a theme restaurant done in the style of the “Cultural Revolution” the waiters were dressed in red army uniforms and there were portraits of Mao, Stalin, Lenin and Marx on the walls. They were even playing Cultural Revolution songs. To me the really funny thing was that this was not a touristy type place. It was intended to be tongue in cheek, but was aimed at native Chinese. The menu was in Chinese only, no pictures so I couldn’t order. I still don’t know what some of the stuff was we were eating but it was very good. All the restaurants serve “family style” with big bowls in the middle and everybody just picks from them with their chopsticks. And smoking at the table is acceptable. No ash tray? No problem, just flick it on the floor.
After we ate, Bob, our guide, drove me back to Bao Ding. It’s about a two hour drive. He is a REALLY nice guy about the same age as me and Tina. We visited on the drive and talked about many things.
When we got to Bao Ding we went to the police station. This is the police station where Kai was taken when he was first found, so I was really happy I got to visit it.
It was very small, and quite funky. It seemed more like a DMV. People were there to process various applications, like we were doing. As it turns out we were very fortunate that Bob had insisted we made this trip. The police dept. had to see my passport, and the photos we had gotten of Kai the day before weren’t right. His head was too big in them, and the shirt he was wearing was too light in color. So someone from the orphanage took the photos back to the photographer and had him resize them and color his shirt on a computer. I also had to sign for the passport.
If I hadn’t made this trip I don’t know what we would have done, there’s no way we would have gotten his passport in time. Bob still seemed somewhat concerned but I think it will be okay.
Another funny bit to this story was that while we were waiting for the photos to be fixed bob took me into the back of the police station where they had a little store. He wanted to look at personal protection weapons, and this is where they sell them. In the back was a room with three people playing cards and smoking behind a counter. In the counter was the most amazing display of tazers and stun guns you can imagine. Bob asked to look at one that resembled a police baton with silver metallic spirals down the shaft. The woman helping him turned it on and discharged it in the room. The shaft lit up like a lightning storm! The crackling electricity left the smell of ozone heavy in the room. Then Bob tried discharging it a couple times. I was quite impressed, as I’d never seen anything like this before! He decided to settle on a small retractable spring club instead.
As we were leaving, Bob told me that his 19 year old son had just begun studying computers at the university here in Bao Ding, and asked me if I would like to meet him. I thought this sounded like a great idea to me, so we drove over to the University. Much of it is brand new, and very modern. Bob’s son was very nice, and seemed excited to meet me. His English was very good, which kind of surprised his father. We visited for a bit about computers, then Bob and I headed back to ShiJiazhuang.
I had him take me to a grocery store on our way to the hotel as we needed some baby food and a few other things. Bob took me to a brand new shopping center which was amazing. It was like a cross between WallMart and Haggen, only bigger and fancier. They had everything you can imagine there. Again it drove home the vast economic disparity in China. Parts are so modern and western, while vast poverty is still the reality for many, many people here.
I got back to the hotel about 8:00 PM. Tina and the boys had had a good day. Cam and Ben had discovered another shopping center across the street from the hotel. Cam bought a cheap guitar for $30 and Ben got a harmonica. They have been playing for Kai.
Tina found that Kai likes to eat egg drop soup. They had taken him to the hotel restaurant and tried him on several things. He settled in on the soup and had three big bowls of it!! She said she had to finally just quit feeding it to him as he showed now signs of stopping.
When we got back to the room the boys went to their room for a bit and Tina and I were alone with Kai. I laid down on the bed with my knees up and laid him back against my thighs. I then started playing with his feet in my face – peek-a-boo, and nibbling his toes, and he started to smile! This was so exciting because he has been pretty much just shut down since we got him. We think it’s a combination of stress and grief, but it’s scary to see this tiny little guy be so passive and quiet. But then when I was playing with him I suddenly got a giggle out of him!!!
It was so exciting and reassuring to hear! We called the boys into our room but he wouldn’t do it again for an audience. Still we knew now that it was in there, and were certain we’d see it again.
When we woke up today, I said to Tina that I thought today would be the beginning of Kai’s transformation. It was day three, and we didn’t have any plans to leave the hotel so we would be able to just go slow.
Tina and I had woke up at 4:00 AM and laid there quietly till 5:00. We have Kai in a crib next to us. But I couldn’t leave him in there any longer so we brought him to bed between us. He is soooo tiny, and sweet. Even though he’s going on three, he is still very babyish. He takes a bottle and wants to be held a lot, which we think is great. We are dying to hold him, and being able to feed him a bottle is such a great way to bond.
About 7 or so he was waking up so we gave him a bottle, and then he went back to sleep. He just seemed stressed out, and he was dealing with it by sleeping. So we just held him and let him sleep. When he did finally get up I started playing with him again with the foot game. I would put his toes in my mouth make noises. Then I started tickling him and before long I had him laughing out loud!!! It was thrilling. And from there he began to just open up. He still had some sad quiet times through out the day, but we just took it slow, and lounged in the bed with him.
We did go down to the restaurant for lunch and dinner, both times he did the same bottomless bowl of soup thing. The hotel restaurant is buffet style and they have both “western” (sort of) and Chinese food. So we started adding fried rice and cooked pumpkin, which we mashed) into the egg drop soup. As long as it was mashed and in the soup he would eat it. And he started feeding himself as well. At dinner I questioned whether we should really give him a third bowl again, but he was scraping the bottom of the second bowl. So we gave him the third but didn’t help him eat it. He didn’t need any help. He’s like one of those competition eaters. We all just sit there watching him put it away, and wonder, “where is it going???”
He also started playing with the toys we brought. Yesterday he would hold things, but didn’t play at all, just looked sad. But today he was really coming out of it. He likes putting things inside other things so we got out the plastic linking rings, and the biggest stacking cups. He spent about an hour putting the rings in the cup than dumping them out.
He also started playing with the toys we brought. Yesterday he would hold things, but didn’t play at all, just looked sad. But today he was really coming out of it. He likes putting things inside other things so we got out the plastic linking rings, and the biggest stacking cups. He spent about an hour putting the rings in the cup than dumping them out.
We also got out the magna-doodle. I wasn’t sure if he’d figure this out, but he obviously has had experience coloring. He wanted the back of the pen to be an eraser, but once we showed him how to clear the drawing surface he just went to town with it.
We are feeling much better about how he’s doing now, and expect to see even more improvement as we go forward. He’s grieving, and has some delays, but he is the most beautiful thing we’ve ever seen (along with our other two sons) and know he will make rapid strides.
Tomorrow we are to visit some tourist attractions. I can’t remember if it’s the temple or the bridge. I am hoping it will stop raining. It poured all day today. Since we didn’t go anywhere it didn’t matter, but hopefully it will clear and let us see some of the countryside.
Bob, our guide, had said yesterday that the cloudy weather was, “Perhaps because the sky is moved.” He meant that they were tears of joy for our adoption of Kai, and I think this is true. Bob has been a great help to us, and is a very sincere and noble man. I feel so lucky to have traveled this far and be able to meet people like him.
Please hold our family in your prayers as we still have a long way to go before we are back in our home. Emails are always welcome and reassuring!
Tomorrow we are to visit some tourist attractions. I can’t remember if it’s the temple or the bridge. I am hoping it will stop raining. It poured all day today. Since we didn’t go anywhere it didn’t matter, but hopefully it will clear and let us see some of the countryside.
Bob, our guide, had said yesterday that the cloudy weather was, “Perhaps because the sky is moved.” He meant that they were tears of joy for our adoption of Kai, and I think this is true. Bob has been a great help to us, and is a very sincere and noble man. I feel so lucky to have traveled this far and be able to meet people like him.
Please hold our family in your prayers as we still have a long way to go before we are back in our home. Emails are always welcome and reassuring!
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